Been a very busy week. I've done more this week than any one where I was actually working.

For one, I've spent most of my free time looking for work and writing. I hate just sitting around. In the past I'm used to doing very little over the weekends, leading a fairly boring existence and knowing only a few friends (who did much of the same on their free time). I wasn't one of those who spent his free time locked to a computer playing video games with people he never met, at least that's fairly social, I just spent my time alone. It was comfortable that way.

Lately though, like most everything it seems, that's completely changed. I have dated occasionally and made a few casual friends through it and in my life. This week most of my time was spent with them or coordinating times to get together.

Tuesday a friend of mine from Boston was visiting for a conference. I spent an amazing evening with her and had only a couple hours to get lunch, write and look for work before I made it to a friend's birthday party.
C was there and we had the talk I'd been hoping for. We cleared the air about a lot of stuff, why things turned out the way they did, if it was better that it happened that way, what we wanted, etc. We both had some animosity about how we acted towards each other but one of those reality tv, bare your soul, overly dramatic talks helped put things in perspective. I tend to avoid those, I believe very little is worth getting into one of those discussions and if you're at the point that you have to, then it's pretty much a lost cause.
I wasn't trying to get back with her, I've learned we're too different but I still have feelings for her and hated how things had gone but wanted to find out where things went wrong. The truth is I've changed a lot in these past few months and who I was when she met me is much different than who I am now. She was overworked and stressed, while I still hadn't resolved a lot. Now I think we're at a more equal footing and understand each other better. I spent the night with her, which is what both of us really needed.
I made a tentative date to meet someone for lunch, someone I met at another party the week before, but missed it due to sleeping in. I was going to meet a blind date for drinks last night which I didn't have a lot of hope for. I was hungry, tried and just wanted an evening to relax.
She ended up being late though not late enough to have me leave. I was hoping she wouldn't show, which would give me an excuse to get home and grab a desperately needed dinner.
When she got there I was a bit surprised. She was a professional, which I knew beforehand but had the suburban look that threw me off. She looked like, as I told her "a hot soccer- mom."
Most times I would not say such a thing but we had gotten comfortable and I could find no other way to describe her. She looked like a young newlywed, still very attractive and independent.

In fact she was very attractive which was strange considering she was very realistic. Most attractive women I've met are more concerned with jewelery, money, looking good, that I can't be around them but she had a great sense of humor and had her head on the right way.

Throughout it all I watched her body language, something I like to think I'm good at. She seemed both interested and careful. While I switch between letting a woman decide and just taking the lead, I accepted when she asked if I wanted to see a show with her that night. In her words I am look normal but have a lot hidden, which is pretty apt. She says the same thing about herself which I may believe. Still skeptical though, she looks too sweet to be dangerous. Much later, when I got home and was getting ready for bed, I realized who she reminded me off- this girl a year above me when I was a junior in high school. She was very Southern, very religious, a cheerleader, friendly to everyone and overly sweet as many Southern girls that like to think of themselves as belles are. At the time I thought she was one of the best looking girls in the school, though not at all my type. Even her name- Pride Parr- seemed genteel.

The show was very well done, though not my usual flavor. A string quarter accompanied by amateur singers with professional voices singing am radio classics (mostly Journey), it was impressive, very low key. Afterwards both of us admitted how hungry we were and wanted to grab some food. At two in the morning there's very little open, even in a place like Chicago. We managed to find a small pizzeria, however and had a good snack while we had a more in depth conversation than should be had over reheated pizza with three teenagers working the late shift nearby.
We both left still hungry and incredibly tired. I haven't had anything to eat since and need to get some dinner.

Her name? It's M and I may see her again soon. I have to plan something which may be difficult considering.

Accomplished a lot today despite getting in a funk last night. It ended up being one of those nights where your mind moves so fast and you become so inspired that, try as you might, your body can't get any rest. I wanted to get up and resume what I was doing (and eventually did but didn't last long). My sleep is sporadic, late in the morning, early at night for two or three hours at a time then I rise, write, research schools and get as much shit together as I can. I've got a lot to do, which isn't all that strange.
I have yet to get any gifts for J or Kam though the holidays and their birthdays are close by. The good thing about friends is they have no set timetable on gift giving or even expect them so, amongst the writing, jobs and everything else, I look for what's best for them. I've already found some great books for Kam though I'm coming up short with J.

2007 feels unfamiliar, I never imagined myself in this time. Been through a lot, most of it good. I am not at my physical peak though I'm more together mentally than I have ever been.
I've changed my workout a lot and am focusing on certain muscles groups, last year I was spending hours at the gym every week and was a lot more muscular but I had very little energy to do much else. When I get back to school I won't have time for much and am trying to simplify my life.

For the past few years I sent out a list of the top ten best movies and cds put out that year. I usually do it the last week of the year but now that things are slowed down from the holidays, I had time to put it together.
There were very few good movies out this year, or at least few that I had seen. Though The Proposition was a fantastic movie, Superman Returns was the worst by far, barely making it onto the list.

1. Jaggernaut- Scissorfight
2. Christ Illusion-Slayer
3. American V: A Hundred Highways- Johnny Cash
4. Gothic Kabbalah- Therion
5. 10,000 Days- Tool
6. Pick of Destiny- Tenacious D
7. Love Their Country- Me First & the Gimme Gimmes
8. Wolves in Wolves Clothing- NOFX
9. Beyond Hell- GWAR
10. The New Black- Strapping Young Lad

1. The Proposition
2. Borat
3. X Men Last Stand
4. Jackass
5. Hostel
6. Talladega Nights
7. Employee of the Month
8. For Your Consideration
9. Snakes on a Plane
10. The Illusionist

It didn't take long to get this year started. I can't go into it too much because I think some people may actually still read this but it could have been MUCH worse.
I'm injured and will be out of commission for a while, at least in some aspects.

Last night for New Year's I went to a party with C, her roommate, her friend and a few other people that I did and didn't know were getting together. Afterwards we went to a bar but I left early at about 230am. I just got tired and a little pissed off. It was a good night though.

Had an especially good sleep as I was very tired and didn't get to bed until 5am.

I lost my phone at a restaurant and only realized it until much later in the day. I went back to the restaurant hoping to find it and there's a phone on the table that looks like mine. When I pick it up I realize it's not. I turn around and there's another phone that looks like mine but it's not. Every time I turned my head there was a new phone, none of them mine but they all looked like mine.

Not sure what the hell that means.

Is it scary that I put on Beauty and the Geek a couple of days ago and now love the show? Fucking tv, I should never have hooked it up.

My favorite part is during the quizzes for the beauties.

Name three of the first five presidents;

"George Washington. (long pause) Abraham Lincoln?"

Shown a picture of John Kerry and asked who is this senator who ran for president in the last election;

"Al Gore?"

I'm not sure what to say about this year that I haven't gone over enough. I do my best to stay away from end of the year reflections and pointless reminiscing. I will say this has been one of the most eventful years of my life. So much has changed that it's difficult to know where to begin.
I will say this; I don't make resolutions. I never have. It's lazy and unnecessary. If I want to change something about myself I do it immediately. I don't look for faults at once and list them in the hopes of changing. There's a lot about me I don't like and I'm continually trying to improve myself in every way. This year I believe I succeeded in that a great deal.
I think more clearly and have a great focus on my life. I am easier with myself and with others and am able to get a lot more accomplished. I'm not as spontaneous as I once was and think things through instead of blindly jumping. I'm a much better writer, in this area I may have made the most improvement and I'm more certain about my future.
I'm a much better boyfriend but don't date women I know aren't right for me. I'm more selective but enjoy dating more. I've reconnected with friends and have a larger group of friends than I'm used to.
I've become less materialistic and now only have a few things I don't need. I've pared down much of what I've owned and the mental relief of not having so much tying you down is difficult to describe. It's almost a physical sensation.

Lately I've found myself thinking about KT again. It's nothing more than residual feelings, I'm almost as disappointed in myself for not seeing through her as I am at her for her selfishness. I'm mostly upset that she never fully understood all that has happened. In her mind she's innocent and did what was best for her. At least I could feel that way about someone. There was a time when I doubted I'd ever feel so deeply about anyone so I'm thankful for that.

More to tell. Hopefully I will post later.

H, a friend of mine from Boston, contacted me a few days ago. I hadn't talked to him in years, ever since he left to join the military. He was at a crossroads; his girlfriend had gotten pregnant and he had just lost his job and with little experience, not even a US citizenship, he had little choices. I assumed he had gone to Iraq and, he told me, at one point he was set to be deployed but it was cancelled. Now he is scheduled to go in February.
Anyone remember when the deployment in Iraq was expected to be a short commitment and now we are planning months and months ahead of time?
He looked me up because he's in Boston for a while and wanted to get together. When I got in touch with him I told him the whole story. Boston's getting old, he says, as soon as he gets back from Iraq, he wants to move elsewhere. This led to me giving a long talk about the advantages of Chicago and now he wants to come up and visit. He's easily persuaded, which is why he joined the military in the first place.
Boston seems to me to be the training wheels for city living. It's not a harsh, not as crowded and not as recognized as a top tier city. Bostonians will doubt this claim but I always thought of it as
remedial New York in a way. I'd never live in New York but Boston is good practice if you're going to.

B wrote to me also. He's my oldest and one of my closest friends. He's married now and has at least one kid, a son. I think he has a daughter now as well. We hadn't talked in a while until a few months ago when I sought him out and wrote him a long letter. I plan to keep in touch, if only by email. He's got an awesome wife too; cute, sweet, honest and devoted. As a bonus, her family is from New York and were connected at one point too. If anyone deserves such a person B does, I know he's gone through some bad relationships as well. Gives us hope.

I just realized I haven't left the apartment in days. After I realized I wouldn't go see my family, there was little to go out for during the holidays and though I'd like to go out and do some things my main concerns are getting into grad school, finding a better job that fits with school, writing and planning on buying a condo. Any time out of the apartment takes away from those.
My beard has grown and I look a little like Saddam Hussein. Never mind the fact that I look nothing like him at all and my beard isn't even a quarter of the length, I do have the grey streak.
Been invited to a New Year's Eve party. I may go but I'm not sure. C is probably working and though I've hardly done anything at all on previous New Year's Eves I think I'd feel it was wasted.

-I went to a large get together where everyone met to dance and get to know each other. No one was talking, just sitting alone like kids at a school dance. While there I started reading a Newsweek that had a story of the helicopter pilot that flew the president to the air force base to get on Air Force One. It had a double page spread of the helicopter taking off with Bush in the back surrounded by stuffed animals and two kids. You could hardly see Bush's face around the pandas and elephants.

-While everyone was outside a fighter jet was escorting a smoking 747. While I watched the smoke turned the plane into a giant ball of fire that exploded. Burning bodies could be seen falling to the ground.