Something I've been thinking about for a while is the future of this site. While I still have some interest in it, I feel it's served its purpose. Things have changed a lot and this has helped me in some ways. The past year has been the most unpredictible of my life and for that I'm happy. I'm mostly happy with where I am and though there's really no need to keep on doing this I'm going to keep it around, if for no other reason than to document it.

I have little inclination to add to it though I won't say I'll never be back. I have too much going on right now, with my work, school, friends, writing, and everything else that there's just no room left to write in here everyday. I'm not back in Roscoe Village miserable and wondering how I ended up there.

My move was the best decision of my life and things are going very well for me. This was meant to be therapeutic in a way and it's done that well. Until (if) I write in here again, I'll call it an indefinite hiatus.

I spent the morning reading of memorials and remembrances of what happened on Sept. 11th and I'm thinking of how things have changed because of that day. Not much has happened.

We have become more brutal, more cold, more apathetic and more unfeeling to those around us. We've become more self righteous and less informed. People were concerned and motivated to change things at first but soon fell in line and recited the mobspeak of those repeating what politicans have told them.

Politicians have used this event as a way to further their careers and ingratiate themselves with their constituents. It is used to twist people into accepting their illegal actions while people have used it to create manufactured feelings.

For the past few days I've been thinking about politics and how it sickens me. I don't want to think about it anymore. Perhaps the world would be better if there was true anarchy.

Spent the day helping a friend move. I'm tired, sore and exhausted. In the past few months I've moved several people and have become quite good at it. I'm still not used to being in the shape I am, I've always been healthy and fit but after I changed my workout and stuck to it I find myself stronger than I can remember. Today's move was much easier than I expected, probably because I didn't stop. Once I took a rest I felt like I couldn't move.

Now I'm here alone, it's only 8pm and I'm about to drop.

My iPod was returned to me with a new battery, new wheel and in better shape than it was before with no music lost. Unfortunately the wheel wasn't working and it had to be sent back.
Apple came out with a new 160G ipod that I'll be getting eventually. I've been running out of room on mine so that should work. Mine may end up becoming A's once I load it up with music. A birthday present? Maybe.

Speaking of which, not only am I tired and sore, I feel sick as shit. A has the same thing so I'm sure I got it from her. I know I got it last night after I spent the night in her bed. I've been sweating all day, hoping to sweat it out but that didn't work.

I've been watching "reality" tv almost every day. How much of it is reality is a topic that's been commented upon enough that I'm not going to go into it here. It's a genre that has metastacized into some mutant that has long since left behind what it was created for.

I know this makes me fairly hypocritical, stating that I watch it and then criticizing it in the next sentence. I know this and don't care. I have so few vices that I can take on a guilty pleasure. It also won't matter when I say I don't watch some shows. "Good crap" and "bad crap" being the terms. Not sure how to distinguish them from each other but I don't watch network tv's idea of reality tv. I can't stand Survivor, American Idol or whatever else they show now and have hardly seen any of them.

I prefer the cable, particular VH1's idea of reality. Rock of Love, Celebrity Fit Club, Scott Baio is 45 and Single and elsewhere Gene Simmon's Family Jewels and The Two Coreys. Gene Simmons is particularly interesting because you get to see what a complete asshole he really is.

There is nothing to gain from these shows but I found they give me a sort of calming peace. I watch them at the very end of the day, just before I go to bed. Some days I can't even keep my eyes open. It is soothing in an odd way.

Today I went to see C. A mutual friend was there, M, who told us about huge pile of belongings left on the sidewalk a few blocks away. Someone just up and left leaving all their stuff and the landlord was cleaning house. When I left to see her it was a beautiful day; sun shining, fairly warm but not hot. It was good to be out. When I left to go with M to see the stuff it had grown darker and cloudier.
I have most everything I need in my place now but I was curious to see what was there. It was an odd assortment- mostly low level tag sale stuff. There was a nice sofa I would have taken if I didn't already have a better one and a futon. Fairly good dressers too but I wasn't going to take them.
Instead I came out of it with a lot of vintage girly stuff for A, a couple of weird curios including an owl sculpture I don't know what to do with but couldn't pass up and tons of really bad cds- Fleetwood Mac, Rod Stewart, dance compilations I'm going to throw away. I still have tons of burnt cds I could use the covers for.
I knew it would rain. It had gotten dark and the air was still like just before a big storm. C had called and said there was a tornado warning but since she lived closed by I was only a few blocks from home. It started to drizzle as I made my way home. I stepped up the pace, knowing it would only get worse.
Less than half a minute after it started drizzling sheets of rain were whipping down. Wind was so rough I found it difficult to move with my big basket of weird shit. The drizzling turned to rain, the rains turned heavy then to a downpour then to a monster, power lines out, tree branches in the road perfect storm, all in less than a minute.
I chugged home as fast as I could, knowing it would be pointless to try to stay dry or cover up. Everywhere the rain could go it would. My socks were sponges, my shoes were sloshing with each step, my shirt hung off me.
I finally gave up, walking peacefully through the last two blocks. I couldn't get any wetter and there was no point in even trying to stay dry. It felt good, a nice clean feeling. I almost felt as if I was swimming.
I made it to the door where my two upstairs neighbors gave the brilliant, "Wow, you're drenched." I didn't mind it though, it actually felt good. I peeled off my clothes, hung them around the apartment to dry and checked out my phone and my ipod, both in my pockets at the time.
My ipod was working the whole way until I tried to turn it off and it froze. My phone was blinking out and the display was screwy. Doing all I could I tried to dry them off but neither is operable. For a while my ipod was flashing on and off, regardless of what I tried to do. It felt warm though it wasn't plugged in and was barely turned off. I think it achieved sentience for a while and was about to revolt.

Goddamn it, this sucks. I could use some reality tv.

Both men and women are born with certain advantages because of their sex and fight to get the advantages in the areas the other gender has. Very few people are truly interested in equality, they'd rather use the sex to appear to be the victim. The trend toward empowerment is merely shining a light on each gender's perceived victimizations.

If I believed, truly believed, that I can talk to the dead or have invisible friends people would laugh. If I was overly adamant or public about my beliefs, talked to these invisible people and advised other people to acknowledge them I would be considered eccentric at best. Most likely I would be thought to be unstable or insane.

If millions of people believe this it becomes a religion. Without any evidence other than their own unproven, fantastical beliefs, it becomes accepted. Those that don't follow their beliefs become the strange, troubled ones. When they become the majority the delusions becomes so accepted as to be commonplace. No one questions them for fear of offending people. No one likes to be the one to stand out. Doubt weighs on those that are skeptical. What if they are right? Despite having no evidence for it, there is no evidence against it so it could be right, right?

Even going to church as a child I questioned it. The stories I heard about Jesus seemed too far fetched, they were too close to the magical powers I was always told Santa had. The difference being that my parents believed it while I knew they were telling me about Santa because they thought it would get me to enjoy the holidays more. I remember sitting in church and hearing all the stories about ghosts, zombies and magical powers and watching all the adults that believed in them.
I always found it strange, this mass acceptance, without question, of religion. Though other civilizations believed just as vehemently in their gods we look at them as myths and impossible while an omnipotent being that created us just to test us so we can spend eternity with it seems plausible. Wouldn't such a powerful being have other friends or other interests rather than making its own friends? Why would such a powerful being be so conceited or insecure as to need so many followers (created by its own hand).
Watching its followers from the angle of someone that doesn't share the same ideology or even consider it's possibility is frightening. Are humans that weak that we need the idea of a vengeful god to keep us from harming others? I now truly believe that anyone that follows religion as anything other than a passing interest is mentally unsound and dangerous. The fact that so many believe this is the only thing that keeps it away from view. Who can find the crazy person in the world of the insane?

I don't have as much time as I used to. If I'm not at work, I'm with A. If that's not the case there is a lot of other things I commit myself too. Surprisingly, my life is pretty full and I have to do what I can with the lesser free time.

Some new things, some good things:

-A and I have gotten really close. We've been legitimately dating for about five months but we spent all of our time together and I'm not planning for when she isn't around. I don't plan to break up with her. I'm not going to marry her either. We're already planning some fairly long term stuff so I think that's a good thing, I would think.

-I've been pretty dedicated to my workout and have changed my diet accordingly. I've regained the build I lost during the months long dryspell when I moved here. I'm concentrating on my stomach, which has gotten very tight. In a couple weeks I should have a well defined six pack. I've always been in good shape but this is a build I'm unfamiliar with, lean trunk with well built arms, shoulder and chest. I didn't have a lot of weight to lose in the midsection but what I did is long gone.

-I've been playing a lot of internet radio. As I was with mp3s, ipods, dvds and coding, I was late on the bandwagon but I jump on it hard. It's usually on when I'm home alone. Right now the metal and comedy stations are my favorites.

-I plan on doing a show again sometime soon. It's been about fourteen months since I last did one but there are far more opportunities here than in Boston. This is probably the biggest comedy city in the world. I've already seen a lot of standup and know a couple comedians. I've written a lot of new material too. My next show will be the best I've done.

-Been working a lot on my foot and it has improved greatly. The pain in it is almost gone and I can see it healing completely. I resigned myself to having it for the rest of my life but I know it will be gone most likely in the next couple of months if I keep up with what I've been doing. This really helps my mood.

-Have gotten into reality tv again. Not the bullshit stuff they show on network tv, but the VH1 has been celebrity stuff I can't get enough of. Scott Baio is 45 and Single is the best though Rock of Love, a show about worn out alcoholic ex party girls vying for the attention of Bret Michaels is a great train wreck to watch. That and The Two Coreys have my undivided attention. Who'd have though Corey Haim would be the fucked up one? He hasn't aged well...

Since the beginning of the month I've hardly listened to anything but Megadeth, Metallica, Slayer and Pantera. Not sure why but it's helped my workouts.