One time while studying for finals in college I took several tablets of Vivarin in order to stay awake to do the cramming that I needed to do. I took one to begin with and planned to take one every couple of hours to keep me going throughout the night as I didn't plan to sleep. Since I never liked the taste of coffee I figured that would help.
The pills took too long to take effect and I took one after a half hour. Fifteen minutes later I took another. Ten minutes later I took two. I decided that was enough since I had begun to feel pains in my stomach. It wasn't so pain that I felt but activity. Soon afterwards I felt an incredible restlessness that grew to be not painful, but incredibly annoying. I couldn't sit down for more than a few moments and couldn't keep my mind on anything, never mind sitting down to read textbooks and tightly written notes. I remember pacing the floor, doing situps, jogging in place, anything to calm myself. My heart would skip occasionally and even sitting down I felt myself out of breath.
That broke my short lived reliance on Vivarin and until tonight I haven't felt anything like what I did then. Tonight I'm restless and, though it's past two in the morning, I don't feel at all like sleeping. I should lay down though I doubt I'd sleep. I didn't take anything but I feel incredibly restless. This week I've made definite plans for things I want to accomplish and have been working around the clock to get as many of them done as soon as possible.
Most of the jobs I'm hoping to get have asked for writing samples of my previous work. I have none. Those that I did have were lost along with my computer so now I'm hoping for someone to take me by my word and take me on but that doesn't just happen so I've spent most of the day writing and researching articles which I may or may not send to get published but will at least be a testament to my ability as a writer (despite this run on sentence- it's 219am).
When I get deeply invovled with writing and work on something I care about and not just some personal blog entry, I become very devoted to it. I suppose it's evidence of my emotional state (which I believe is much deeper than I'm aware of) that I'm this way. As my writing falters so, it seems, does everything else in my life. I get very uncomfortable, anxious and unpleasant to be around. I get irritated by the slightest things.
Now I feel like I can't calm down enough to sleep and if I did I'd be doing myself a disservice. My dreams have been particularly strange, creepy with a surreal twist. I've been imagining wide open dark spaces and lots of little sharp things, unreal insects with pinscers and sharp points for legs with intimidating eyes on stalks.