How did we get to the point where people are expected to have mental problems or screwed up backgrounds and we are supposed to manage our lives around them? How did it get so bad that things that would once put you in lockup at Bethlehem are now commonplace?

This is just an observation I've always wondered about. Too often in the past I felt like I was expected to deal with someone's major personality flaws and accept them without question as part of the package. Very few people take responsibility for the own problems and instead expect them to be overlooked. I have problems, we all have problems, and I'll deal with yours if there is something between us but now it seems too many people wear them on their sleeve like a badge of pride and expect the world to accomodate them rather than vice versa.

I'm waiting until C gets off work so she can spend the night. It's gotten to the point where we hate to go a day without seeing each other, which is strange considering where I was a month ago. Now I'm at the great spot where you want to be together all the time and you make each other late for work and you begin scheduling your lives around getting together.

One other thing- I've never liked sleeping with people. Sex of course I love, but actually sleeping with someone has always been difficult for me. Maybe it's shallow or selfish but even when I'm dead asleep I'm never comfortable knowing someone is next to me. Maybe it's because I don't really trust anyone but my memories of sleeping with past girlfriends always end up with me fatigued from lack of sleep or with a cold due to the sheets being taken or stiff muscles from being cramped from sleeping on the edge of the bed. Now I feel strange when I'm not sleeping with C and sometimes pretend she's laying with me in the dark and I can't see her. With all the shit I've been through, it's a welcome change. Our bodies fit perfectly together.

I saw Billy Idol at the Congress Theater last night. I bought the ticket so I could finally see my first show in Chicago and thought it would be great to see him. I heard his shows were good, though I expected a lot of his old eighties stuff. I would be disappointed if it wasn't, actually. Do people really go to hear his new material?
He didn't disappoint. There were many fists in the air that night. The crowd was a strange mix of old school punkers, mtv geeks, middle aged couples, jocks and their makeup obsessed dates.

"Oh my god! It's, like, Billy Idol! Woooooo! This is soooooooo retro isn't it? I feel like I'm, like, two years old!"

Great show though. The band seemed to have fun and Billy was a rock star up there, jumping around, posing, hamming it up. None of that sanctimonious bullshit that you see too often. Just good, loud music you know the words to. He played all his crowdpleasers; Rebel Yell, Flesh for Fantasy, Eyes Without a Face, Cradle of Love and threw in Van Halen's Jump. Has there been a revival for Billy Idol? Big crowd there.

I hope I'm not wrong, he deserves it with the show last night. They were taping for the dvd too, so I may be seen in households around the world.

Some shitty photos from my cell phone;




His trademarked curled lip/pumping fist

Steve Stevens

I don't plan to use anyone's real names when writing this. Some people will figure in prominently but I will do all I can to keep them anonymous. I have no desire to hurt people or reveal things that shouldn't be revealed, even if I dislike them or it is harmless. All I say will be real. However I will not name names. The only exception I will make is for my own if I ever choose to.

I'm postponing the beginning of my story for a while. I have a good reason for it, which I'll tell when I pick it back up again.

Life has changed greatly for me. For the past few years I felt like I was doing the same things and going to the same places with the same people. Now I feel like I'm living outside of everyone else. I have no schedule and, other than a few tasks I need to get done every day, nothing that I don't enjoy doing. Life is good and things are really starting to pick up. My whole outlook has changed and I'm much happier. I can feel all the pointless bullshit I had been concerning myself with fading away and I'm getting my life back in order the way I want. I don't feel like I'm doing things because I have to, but because I want to.

I met a fantastic woman, C, who is just what I needed. She is on a similar schedule and, strangely, going through very similar things I am. She tells me about the problems she's having and I remember feeling just as she did the week before. Most of the past few days have been spent together and she's shown me around her neighborhood and parts of Evanston, a town I've never been to before.

She's been very understanding about all I've been through lately and doesn't seem upset when I really go on about everything and really open up. She's much younger than I am, yet seems to understand and is really compassionate, which is refreshing. There have been times her problems have been too much for her and I'm honored to be the one she came to. I understand what she's going through and, since I have a weird talent of reading people's feelings and understanding their motives, we've discussed her and her boyfriend and why things are turning out the way they are.

She's beautiful, she's smart, she's sweet, funny and she's got a boyfriend. We haven't done anything untoward or dishonest as I've already discussed cheating. She has no desire to so we're just there for each other now.

Since she is slightly behind me with her situation, I understand how it is when it's over but you're still committed more out of a feeling of honor than consideration for the other person. Even if the that person has already broken it off you don't jump into it with someone else just because you can.

This is not at all interesting. I'm not going to turn this into a discussion about feelings and relationships. Life is much more interesting than that.








The Great Mojo Nixon. We miss you.

My main concern with writing and posting it for everyone to see is anonymity. I created this site mainly out of curiosity and some way to feed the creative urge that's always been in me. A lot has been happening to me lately, it's one of the more difficult and life changing periods I've ever faced. I feel if I didn't document it in some way then I'd be foolish. I'm constantly adding to the one (or two, or three) book(s) I'm always working on and at first I thought I would write it all there and perhaps I will some day but writing this at least puts it out there for me to look over and remember. I'm going to try to remain unknown but will not be dishonest with facts. If anyone knows me they will easily guess who I am. Eventually someone I know will find this and read it and I most likely won't care. Still, it gives me concern.

I've led a pretty strange life, not one full of foreign places and intrigue or time spent in jail but I've had my share of close calls, fights and odd happenings. When I was a kid I wasn't sure what I wanted to be but if I had been asked I'd have said I would do anything as long as I'm not bored. I've lived up to the goal I set for myself.

I won't start at the beginning ~way back when, on a snowy day, I was born; kicking and screaming and covered in blood~ I'll start with a few weeks ago, sometime last month, because that's when things changed drastically.
I was living in Somerville, a college town nearby Boston, having lived there for almost ten years. I had hoped to find a good job, start a good life and begin my life away from everyone. I wanted to jump as far away from most of my family as I could and see what came of it. I thought of it as a challenge- everything that happens from then on will be due to my choices. Everything I make will be mine. All the friends I make will be because of me.
I'm glad I made the choice and I found what I was looking for. I had a good job, loved my life and had great friends. As I usually do, as soon as I had all that I got bored and changed jobs, moved across town and began somewhat again. Soon enough I did it again. I had several jobs, some vastly different. I worked for a real estate company, a computer streaming company, I was an emt, a stand up comic and worked in a warehouse. I dated older women, younger women, students, teachers, lawyers and mothers. I was happy but eventually I found myself going through the motions, doing the same things I had done dozens of times before.
I'd talk to those around me, those who seem much happier with where they are and find what filled their life. They were dating people they were usually indifferent to or didn't like. Their interests were different than mine. They liked sports, watching tv and read only the newspaper. I tried to live like that, live more simply and it didn't work for me. I missed doing things that I didn't expect. I didn't like not having stories to tell or shocking people. I've always been different, even growing up, and I constantly find myself in situations I've never thought I would be in before. It seems odd considering no one would expect that from someone that looks as I do. I have no tattoos, no piercings, dress casually and look more like an ex suburban thirtysomething than someone that's been in more fights than he can count and came close to death a couple of times.
Around the ninth year I was in Boston I was ready to start the cycle again. I had gotten used to remaking myself and even had a whole bunch of new skills in which to get a better paying, more stable job. Employers were calling me at home, trying to set up interviews but I was sick of Boston. Every place had memories, good or bad, that wore me out. I wanted a complete change where I can do something new and not go to the same grocery store or the same path to work I've taken a hundred times.
I've been considering, several cities to move to, all of which had their advantages; Philadelphia, Chicago, Las Vegas and Atlanta. I've already lived in the South, New England and spent some time in California so I wanted to try a different part of the country. I narrowed it down to Atlanta and Chicago. I've been to Chicago before and was born just outside of the city and like the Midwestern attitude but Atlanta has some close friends in it and was a city I always liked, even if it was a Red State in the South.
Philadelphia I would choose because it would be closer to my brother, still fairly close to Boston that I could go back every once in a while and I heard good things about it. I've never been there though.
Las Vegas I love. I don't like the schmaltzy glitz and hate touristy towns but there are a lot of areas that rarely get that traffic. It has another side to it that people rarely see that I love. The climate is great too. I've never lived out West and I figured eventually I'll end up there. Not this time though, it's too far, too uncertain and other cities won out. I narrowed it down to Atlanta and Chicago.

I want to be as complete and detailed as possible but this is getting a bit long. I don't mind but I figure anyone that reads this might so for the sake of you, I'll end it now and pick it up later.

It gets better, trust me.