Tired again today...

A came over past midnight after drinking with some of her friends. She needed to get laid. We didn't spend much time talked and it was better than most times.

I was telling her I'd breed her, keep her pregnant and everytime she'd feel the baby in her or look at her new child she'd think of me forcing her down until I filled her up. I was, like, romantic and shit.

At one pointed things got so heated that my hand was slamming into her after I'd finished. She was voiceless, naked, heard rolling to the wall, her lips opened and stretched. Her hand went to mine and held it as her body convulsed.

Then...a fluid flowed heavily. As I watched, it gushed with a squishing sound flowing into my cupped fingers. It was yellow-orange-amber with tiny tendrils of blood within. I was afraid I'd hurt her. Things had been getting rough and I'm sure I did.

Afterwards she lay one the bed, naked breathing quietly, neither of us saying anything. I'd never seen a woman ejaculate before. It drenched by sheets and left a diffused red against the mattress giving it a suspicious look.

Working quickly, we managed to rub it out with detergent and fell asleep at four in the morning on a bare, very fresh smelling mattress.

Lack of sleep is catching up to me now.

I got a video ipod. I've been thinking about it in my head, going back and forth if I will or won't. I shouldn't, I already have one and I'm trying to save money but with this job and the other one and the first one if that doesn't work out, things are looking better fanancially.

Finished Zombie. Not sure what I'll read next.

I've still on a very positive high. I can't shake the feeling that everything is going better than I could have hoped and everything is great. It's an odd feeling for me, I'm not used to it at all.

I got a video ipod. I've been thinking about it in my head, going back and forth if I will or won't. I shouldn't, I already have one and I'm trying to save money but with this job and the other one and the first one if that doesn't work out, things are looking better fanancially.

Right now I'm infatuated with it. I like the idea of having a collection of movies and every song I could ever want wherever I go. Very unnecessary but I love it. Growing up I would have thought that wouldn't be around in my lifetime. We don't think about it but ipods are a big jump in technology. Odds are we've made a lot of huge jumps in medicine and weaponry that only a few know about but this is for everyone. The future, man...

I had to name it when I hooked it up to iTunes and since I already had one named my Ipod I named this one The Widowmaker and it is. Damn....

Just finished



Just Started



Stiff was a good one. A suggested it for me, I guess she knows me pretty well in the short time we've been together. All about dead bodies and what they do with them after they've been donated. Chopped up, used as fertilizer, put in fields to rot, harvested, hung on crosses, frozen and put in museums, yum!

Zombie is the daily thoughts of a sex offender/murderer as he goes through his life. His mind works differently than other people's. He's more observant but he's sociopathic, delusional and paranoid. Actually pretty creepy book but it's written so simply, like the main character and his simple thoughts.

Been itching to get a video ipod lately. Been thinking about it far too much.

Someone once said Chicago is like an abusive lover. It beats you down over and over again in the winter and you fall in love with it and forget all your complaints when spring hits. A said the weather on Sunday is like the wind making out with you.

It was one of those perfect days, the kind that triggers your sense when you smell a hint of fresh leaves and the pure, fresh air that seems so rare. There was a barbecue, an incredible barbecue with friends and those I never met. I spent two days with them, played with kids in the park, petted unknown dogs and thought it was the perfect day to blast the Ramones out an open window. Summer is always the best time for the Ramones; hot, sweaty and sun baked days with hours spent just as you'd like.

That will come later. Now I'm just enjoying the great mood the weather has got everyone in.

Spent the weekend with A again. Saw Macabre on Friday and had fun but it didn't live up to my hopes. I'm getting really close to her, which took me by surprise. I didn't think I would. In fact I didn't think I would know her for more than a month. Now I'd be shocked if I didn't know her last year.

Sunday made me think about everything, how I feel completely different than I did even three months ago. I wish I could meet me last summer. We'd have a lot to talk about. He'd probably think I was bullshitting.

It's been difficult getting things organized lately. I hate planning too much in advance, I'd rather have my life unscripted so I don't often make plans until a day or two before.
Add to that the fact that there are two women that both want my time equally. I never thought this would happen, I usually don't have such luck but I don't want to lose either of them. Granted, I like one more than the other but I hate the idea of letting one down or ignoring her. I'm doing my best to schedule my time with each as much as possible.
A is getting most of my time. I spend the most time with her by far. When I want to go somewhere or do something I think of her. We've already talked this weekend and scheduled the entire time together.
Je, who I thought would have lost interest considering I hardly ever see her, wants to see me whenever I have time. The problem is when I have time I'm usually recuperating.
That and I usually see C whenever she calls. She doesn't call too often but when she does I see her. Yesterday afternoon I spent looking at new apartments and running errands with her. At the end of the month I'd promised to help her move.
I'm trying to get her to move into Ukranian Village because that's where A lives and where I will most likely move when the planets align. It would make everything just more damn convenient than one living way up north and the other living in the south.

I feel like I have to book people in advance to see them. I'm still not sure how this happened. Months ago I was spending my weekends home alone playing video games and wondering if I made such a good choice moving here.

Going to see Macabre tomorrow night. They're one of the reasons I moved here. They rarely play anywhere outside the Midwest.

Got tickets to see Type O Negative the second week of April. I've seen them a few times in Boston but have been in the mood to see them again. They've got a great new CD that I've got to pick up.


Scary looking bastards

I used to have a huge dvd collection. I had so many that it was unwieldy, I had to plan when I moved them and forgot which ones I had and didn't have. Most of them were lost in the fire this summer and since I've been slowly looking for them.
The best part about it isn't watching them but looking for them in stores and finding rare, out of print movies to add to my collection. It's the same as shoppers looking for discounts or bargains. It had gotten to be a problem and was a little relieved that I was able to get rid of (and sell a few) dvds in one fell swoop.

Now I'm starting to miss having certain movies around. I could have gotten rid of at least as many as I lost without a problem but I wasn't able to pick which ones. One in particular I would have kept.



One of my favorite movies is Hard Boiled starring Chow Yun Fat. Since it was one of my favorite movies I had to have the best copy made. The problem was the best copy was long out of print and I had to go on eBay to get it. I got it at a hefty price but it was worth it, it's a great movie. It was the one movie I really regretted losing in the fire. I know it would be a lot of effort and money to get it again.



The Killer is another movie from the same director with the same actor and since it is harder to find and thought to be a better movie it is even more expensive. My copy of The Killer didn't burn.

I'm starting to get dvds again though I don't plan to have nearly as many as I once did. It's only going to be a collection of my favorites and some others I really like.

I'm writing this because I just found the copy of Hard Boiled that I've been looking for so I only have a few left that I want.

The last ones on my list;

Almost Famous
Devil's Rejects
Hell House
House of 1,000 Corpses
Jesus Camp
Kill Bill
Kill Bill Vol. 2
The Story of Ricky
Twelve Monkeys
Vanishing Point


If you haven't seen these I would recommend all of them (except Jesus Camp which I haven't seen yet)

I've been told the belief that it rains a lot in Seattle is a myth. You just feel like it does, it doesn't rain anymore there than it does anywhere else. After spending A few days there, with the sky overcast and/or raining almost the entire time I have to believe that's bullshit.
That's their winter, I've been told. It doesn't snow and doesn't get cold, it just rains. And stays overcast. For months. The people there are very progressive, very green and seem to keep to their own city. A lot of money has been made in the area, first through timber and those people eager to exploit their natural resources, then Microsoft and Starbucks. The first Starbucks is there and getting a drink there isn't the stigma it seems to be everywhere else. The insanely rich geeks that built Microsoft have a tendency to put it back- much of the city has been renovated by Paul Allen, one of the founders who has also built a computer science building for the University of Washington, as well as building the Experience Music Project, a museum of music (mostly Jimi Hendrix) memorabilia and a place to show off Microsoft's new gadgets.
They are proud of their music scene. Like most of the city, it's quaint just as it was before it was exploited by mtv and cultural trends. It's gone back to the humble path it was on fifteen years ago. Admittedly, I didn't have a chance to explore it as much as I'd like. Four days doesn't allow a proper listen.
Out of all this I have to say I've never seen a whiter city. There are much less minorities here than elsewhere and the ones that are seem separate from the rest of the population.



Grade: A-

Hope you like coffee and having a cold six months out of the year. It would help if you have a computer degree of some sort as well.

Don't forget to recycle.

Been a long, tiring, at times grueling, good day. Made plans with A to spend the day with her and see the Bodyworlds exhibit. The Museum of Science is huge. When I have the time I could spend a couple of days just wandering the halls.



The exhibit consists of human cadavers split, posed, dissected, sliced, torn apart, hung from the ceiling in pieces in mid flight on a pair of skis, even a male twirling a female on ice skates. The cadavers are put through a process where their innards, tendons and each piece of their body is hardened and the decomposition severely slowed. It's a long, exceedingly intricate process but the results are fascinating.



Throughout it they showed the differences between tumorous organs and healthy, those with lung cancer and how obesity affects your vital organs. I couldn't help but imagine these displays, once living and their lives. They donated themselves for the exhibit but did they ever think they would life would come to an end posed as a ballet dancer or sliced into paper thin piece to examine the stool remaining in their body? What happened to those they loved, what they tried to accomplish in their time? All the cadavers were robbed of their personality, as the dead always seemed to be. Should we be ogling their bodies sans skin or their nervous systems extracted and held against a light? I did, I would do it again. I couldn't help but feel a mite guilty about it though.



Each time I get together with A it's something. We spend most of our social time together and each day is different. We end up having adventures, laughing and talking the entire time. It seems whenever together one or both of us have problems; not enough sleep, sickness, PMS, and we bitch and complain and rearrange our schedules to accomodate each other and struggle somewhat through our time together. We seem to have the same attitude of toughing it out and each time everything is different. I haven't been bored with her yet, a strange thing for me and a woman. I'm beginning to really like her, odd since I was thinking very differently a month ago.

Sometime in the middle of the night I was woken up by a horrible cramp in my legs. This used to happen pretty rarely, I'd have a particularly active day and the lactic acid left in my legs with collect until my muscle feels like wood. When I try to move it I'm awakened by a terrible pain. It's all I can do to lay there and try to massage the muscle into compliance. This happened last week with my arm and now my leg is still aching a bit. I remember having to keep my leg as straight as possible to try to get back to sleep after the pain rescinded.
This likely happened because of all the biking I've done lately and because of the show last night. I saw Clutch last night and was in the front row of the Metro. Throughout the show I was actively pushing against the crowd behind me. As usual Clutch put on a great show. Their new album, From Beale Street to Oblivion, comes out later this month though I heard a couple of the songs already and it sounds incredible.

They opened up with a new song, "You Can't Stop the Progress" and played several other new ones including "Electric Worry," the only new one I'm really familiar with. Their set list also included "Big News II", "10001110101", "Burning Beard", "Profits of Doom", "Swollen Goat", "Regulator", "Cypress Grove", "The Soapmakers", and "One Eyed Dollar". The show was crowded and rough, since the band attracts lots of different fans, included baseball capped frat boys who just like to get drunk and start shit.



Friday I saw Fu Manchu with A and a friend of hers. The show was good though one of the opening bands, Valient Thorr(sic), had a singer that ripped off Scissorfight's bit. Get a singer with a huge beard, wild eyes, a gut and let him rant like a sterno bum they picked off the streets. Not that bad of a band but the singer took all the attention from them with his antics.

Earlier in the week I saw Reverend Horton Heat because A had a free ticket. A very good show, though I didn't see the whole thing.

I've been very busy lately, so much so that I try to squeeze in finding a job between everything else that's going on. Getting frustrated about everything on that front. I feel like I've exhausted everything I can do and still haven't gotten very far. Whenever I go to an interview (I've had several) everything seems promising and then...nothing. Yesterday I got completely fed up with it and put the whole search on hold for frustration and had a good workout before the show and felt much better. Something should come through soon. Of course I said that last week and the week before...

Going to Seattle tomorrow and I'll be back Tuesday so I'll continue where I left off after I get back.

C came over last night. Out of nowhere she called and asked to spend the night. We've been making promises to get together when we have free time but nothing's come of it. Neither of us had open nights or, rather, her schedule leaves her little time for anything else. She works constantly and has been laid up with strep throat.

This past summer we saw a lot of each other and she'd spend nights at my place to be closer to work the next morning. She may have been lonely and had missed having someone there and someone to hold her. At least that's partly the reason she came over last night. Her car is in the shop and getting to work is difficult without it and stress with her roommate are the other reasons. Once she was here she seemed happy/excited and we couldn't stop talking about all we've been through in the two months we've been apart.

She had dinner and went to bed. I expected nothing else and may not have wanted anything more. Once in bed I climbed in next to her and whispered beneath the sheets. Her scent reminded me of the summer. There wasn't much I enjoyed about this summer but breathing her in made me remember it fondly.

We slept well. I dreamed about nothing in particular. Lately I've been sleeping more deeply when I'm with someone else. Up until recently I've woken up several times throughout the night, unable to really sleep. In the mornings I would be sore and tired. When I'm alone I sleep even deeper but I'm starting to enjoy sleeping with someone else.

Mostly I'm just taken back on how happy she was to see me. That's better than anything. I know she sees other people and I see others but seeing her again brought an unexpected feeling of closeness I haven't had in months.

I putting this up here for a few reasons. It is a clip of an argument on a bus in Hong Kong. The younger man patted the older man in front of him on the shoulder when he thought he was speaking too loud on his cell phone. The older man reacted violently to his fellow passenger. Another passenger filmed the incident on his cell phone in case the police got involved.
The incident has become a phenomena in China. Undue attention has been paid to it, articles have been written about it and it has been dissected in as many ways as you can image. Cartoons have taken to reenacting the episode between characters. Some of the conversation has been turned into popular Chinese phrases. "I have pressure" and "Not yet resolved!" have become as popular as "That's how I roll" and "...really?" in this country.

The man took on the title "Bus Uncle" as Uncle is a term used to refer to older men, one that is not disrespectful.

The Chinese media have explained that this is the product of the overstressful Hong Kong Corporate lifestyle while the younger man is a good example of the passivity of Chinese youth. All the while each clutch their cell phones, unaware that they themselves are being captured on a cell phone, soon to be posted on YouTube and seen around the world, parodied and analyzed. It's a perfect example of technology becoming overwhelming. No one in the clip seems to have any escape from it.

Then it is quickly taken on as a pop culture oddity. Two people lifted out of their lives to become minor celebrities at their own expense. It had grown to such a size that the Bus Uncle contacted the younger man after both had resolved the issue to work together for a "Bus Uncle Rave Party." Needless to say, the other party wasn't interested.
The Bus Uncle was later attacked and beaten by three masked men at his place of work. All because the young man wanted some quiet so he could nap on his way home after a long day at work.

Then I wonder how much of this has been constructed by the Chinese media. Front page stories have been written about it, pushing it to the forefront of the peoples' attention. Is it a case of media making a story out of nothing or reflective of (Chinese) society at large? I mean, if this had taken place in America I'm sure the incident would have taken a much more violent turn.

My mother's family came over from Ireland while my father's emigrated from Scotland. My father grew up in Panama next to a US military base and my mother was born in Texas before growing up in New York City. I have relatives that have retained their accents and still feel a closeness with their roots in Europe. I do not. I was born in America, in Illinois to be specific, and grew up in Connecticut. I spent time in Tennessee and Georgia before moving out on my own to Boston.
When someone asks I tell them I'm American, which usually results in a patronizing look. I know you're ~American~ I meant where are you really from? Again, I tell them America which causes them to usually give a sigh as if I didn't understand the question. Where's your family from? Again I say America. After playing this game for a while they eventually ask the right question and I tell them where in Europe my family came from. What I don't see is why people feel a connection to a history they've never had or a country they've never been to. I've lived in South Boston, where every jagoff was walking down the street spouting how Irish he was and speaking as if he just got out of the potato fields though they were born in and hardly ever left the neighborhood.
What I'm trying to say is I'm American. I'm not Irish, Scottish, European, British or anything else. My family has had roots in this country since long before it was settled. Up until the end of this century my family has been in every conflict in the nation's history. I'm proud of my family and I'm proud of this country which is why it upsets me when I see the way its going. I have a feeling of guilt and worry about what taking place right now. I'm worried about the war and how it will end. No matter the outcome, it will be bad for America.
I sometimes feel guilty that I didn't join the armed forces and a couple years ago gave somewhat of a serious thought to joining. The reason I didn't is I don't trust the leadership. If we were fighting those that attacked us I would consider the response justified and may have joined. This is my home and fuck with my home and I'll kill you. Perhaps I would have enjoyed fighting but most likely not. As one who's never served I can't say how it would feel though I don't remember hearing from anyone who returned that said they enjoyed doing what they did. I still feel the need to go out and experience this, as many males do when they become adults. As I grew that feeling only slightly dulled.



I still feel that if someone hurts you you should return it ten times over. If you punch me I will break your neck. If you destroy one of our buildings, we should destroy your country. I have no problems with hurting or maiming those that would do the same to this country but Iraq did not do that to this country. In fact, the country was a US sponsored evil. The US, though I love it and consider it my home, has done too many evil things that I question what it has not had its hand in.
I would join more for the feeling and excitement of war than for sustaining some ideal that I already believe has failed. That and I don't trust the leadership. They are being incredibly duplicitous about its reasoning and I fear for the soldiers that will be ignored when this is all over.
I fear we have tarnished the reputation of, what I believe, to be a country capable of almost limitless good. I just wish it would live up to it.