My mother's family came over from Ireland while my father's emigrated from Scotland. My father grew up in Panama next to a US military base and my mother was born in Texas before growing up in New York City. I have relatives that have retained their accents and still feel a closeness with their roots in Europe. I do not. I was born in America, in Illinois to be specific, and grew up in Connecticut. I spent time in Tennessee and Georgia before moving out on my own to Boston.
When someone asks I tell them I'm American, which usually results in a patronizing look. I know you're ~American~ I meant where are you really from? Again, I tell them America which causes them to usually give a sigh as if I didn't understand the question. Where's your family from? Again I say America. After playing this game for a while they eventually ask the right question and I tell them where in Europe my family came from. What I don't see is why people feel a connection to a history they've never had or a country they've never been to. I've lived in South Boston, where every jagoff was walking down the street spouting how Irish he was and speaking as if he just got out of the potato fields though they were born in and hardly ever left the neighborhood.
What I'm trying to say is I'm American. I'm not Irish, Scottish, European, British or anything else. My family has had roots in this country since long before it was settled. Up until the end of this century my family has been in every conflict in the nation's history. I'm proud of my family and I'm proud of this country which is why it upsets me when I see the way its going. I have a feeling of guilt and worry about what taking place right now. I'm worried about the war and how it will end. No matter the outcome, it will be bad for America.
I sometimes feel guilty that I didn't join the armed forces and a couple years ago gave somewhat of a serious thought to joining. The reason I didn't is I don't trust the leadership. If we were fighting those that attacked us I would consider the response justified and may have joined. This is my home and fuck with my home and I'll kill you. Perhaps I would have enjoyed fighting but most likely not. As one who's never served I can't say how it would feel though I don't remember hearing from anyone who returned that said they enjoyed doing what they did. I still feel the need to go out and experience this, as many males do when they become adults. As I grew that feeling only slightly dulled.



I still feel that if someone hurts you you should return it ten times over. If you punch me I will break your neck. If you destroy one of our buildings, we should destroy your country. I have no problems with hurting or maiming those that would do the same to this country but Iraq did not do that to this country. In fact, the country was a US sponsored evil. The US, though I love it and consider it my home, has done too many evil things that I question what it has not had its hand in.
I would join more for the feeling and excitement of war than for sustaining some ideal that I already believe has failed. That and I don't trust the leadership. They are being incredibly duplicitous about its reasoning and I fear for the soldiers that will be ignored when this is all over.
I fear we have tarnished the reputation of, what I believe, to be a country capable of almost limitless good. I just wish it would live up to it.