February is usually my least favorite month but this one passed relatively harmlessly. Usually the first snow of the year is a welcome one, not too heavy, more decorative than unpleasant. That happened back in October or November but the feel of that first snow lasted until this month when it turned to a heavy, thick fall that turned to grey slush within a few hours.

This month has been very up and down with me and A. We began as good friends, which is where I wanted it to stay. Unfortunately, such a thing is rare between a man and a woman. Usually one wants it to be more and feels slighted when it isn't. We felt as if we'd become too comfortable so when I treated her as I would any male friend she felt offended. I admit to the same feeling when she did the same to me.

We've been back and forth for weeks with both of us calling it off, if only for a short time. Can you "call off" a friendship?
Because of this we've both made efforts to do more for the other, which has only made us closer. This has gotten us to question our friendship and whether it is more. I go back and forth. She has shown things I wouldn't want in a girlfriend and I still can't forget her actions of the past month. Right now I'm just taking it for what it is.

To confuse things, I'm still seeing Je. Je is the one who was married when I met her and then chewed her out for looking for others while she was married. I thought that would turn her off but it seemed to have fueled her even more. We kept in touch and saw each other on and off. For some time we only saw each other on holidays; on Thanksgiving she brought me turkey, on Christmas she brought me peppermint truffles and a small gift. She finished the process of divorcing her husband and was single for a short time. I decided to be completely upfront and told her about all the women in my life, mostly C and A and how I am still dating. Her sincerity and the fact that she is so honest is what's appealing to me (never mind that she saw other people while dating her boyfriend and before when she was married).
Je began seeing someone soon after divorcing after I didn't step into the open slot. Throughout it all we kept seeing each other and she would complain to me about her guy, who wasn't meeting the requirments she had for a guy (and letting me know I did).
I could date Je and it would probably be pretty nice, we've both talked about this. There are some differences between us and from now on, when I commit to a woman I want us to both have what the other person wants. I'm tired of getting involved in relationships you know will end badly the moment they begin. Je is too domestic for me (and me not enough for her) and doesn't have the same wants in a relationship that I do. Additionally, she has cheated on both her husband and her boyfriend. Even though she cheated on them with me I still couldn't trust her. Despite all this, we've actually grown pretty close, she especially. She is in the middle of a two week work trip and I know she's going to want to see me when she gets home. I want to see her and I like her but it's going to make scheduling difficult. I'm seeing two women though committed to neither of them. Je is aware of this and A knows I'm not committed but I don't bring up the topic of me seeing anyone else because it would upset her. Needless to say I'm not even making the effort to meet anyone else.
Right now I'm working on getting into grad school and working. I don't want to expend effort for a girlfriend though I need at least one lover to stay sane.

So there's that.

Saturday the derby team played a team from Indiana and killed them. Afterwards everyone went to a bar for the afterparty. K (remember K, the woman I met at work and saw for a couple of weeks?) was there, since she had just gotten accepted to the league. We stopped seeing each other since she seemed to lose interest. Seeing me at the party with a lot of women on the team, however, caused her to regain some interest since she hovered around our table looking for a place to sit. When A left she sat next to me and we talked for a while. She looked good and I was tempted to start things again but knowing I already was booked with A and Je, as well as her blowing me off when I knew no one, stopped me from going any farther.
A saw her talking to me, which only gave her more reason to fuck her up when they compete each other. K is still a cool person and I would like to be friends but it will be difficult considering. All I can do now is try to get A to go easy on her. If they met and talked they would get along, most of the women I have an interest in share the same qualities. Doubt that will happen between K and A though, I don't want to get in the middle of the wrath of two women.

I've told everyone this story, J, A, Kam and will probably tell my roommate soon. I don't know why, I just find it very interesting. A says I think about it too much and she's right. I may as well put it down here so it can be put to rest.
A has a new roommate who comes with an ex boyfriend she is still very attached to. Her roommate is very sweet, makes all the meals (which is a good thing for the likes of A and I) and doesn't seem to know many people outside of her ex. She ended up going to Saturday's match with her ex and both went to the after party.
Her boyfriend, who I'll name Dickhead for the sake of this blog, didn't know anyone so he talked with me for a bit. Seeing all the women there, the Chicago ones and those from elsewhere, he told me how great it was and how he planned to get one of them home with him. He's a cocky bastard, cockier than the most cocky fuck you could imagine. Still, he's friendly and I didn't have a reason to treat him badly so I didn't, just warned him not to try anything with the Chicago women. This wasn't me feeling protective or possessive of them, they don't need me for that. It's more to protect him from looking like a complete asshole and ruining any chance he had of ever having friends there.

Why shouldn't I, he asked?
"Ahhhh they're....judgmental."
"Judgmental?! Why would I care about that? Do you care if they're judgmental?!"
"Alright, go right ahead."

Skip ahead and I'm sitting at a table having a much needed dinner and sharing it with A and a couple of her friends. Dickhead sits right next to us, seemingly amazed at how hot and tough the women were there. "Look at A, she's tougher than you. She could kick your ass. Probably kick mine," he says to me.
I'm not sure what he means so I ask and he repeats himself. "Of course she could kick your ass. I could kick your ass." Later A told me she saw my eyes flash when he said that. Admittedly I was considering starting something right there. The bar probably would have only thrown us out but it would have been worth it. I was torn between anger and confusion. I am taller than him, meaner than him, stronger than him and tougher than him. I thought he was kidding about the comment but just from the way he talked he thought it was strange that I would believe I wouldn't lose to him.
I told him he couldn't kick my ass and he gave me a I'm-the-better-man-so-I'll-let-that-slide but-watch-it look.
I asked how many fights he'd been in; "About three."
How many years had he studied fighting; "Huh?"
I told him how "I'd studied boxing, kickboxing, Tae Kwon Do, Ninjutsu and been in at least a dozen fights and just to reiterate, you could not kick my ass."
"Maybe you're right. You may win.
"No maybes, I'd win. In fact I'd beat you to the ground." All this said with a smiling face. Remember, this is a friendly conversation.
Conversation over soon after that. He leaves and A shakes her head; "I could kick his ass but did he really think he could beat you up?"
Home later that night her roommate tells us of his luck with the women there and said he asked her to ask A to set him up with some her teammates. Don't think we'll be seeing him back.

Forgive me for writing such a completely self involved story. Had to get it out of me.