J called me last night from Boston. Over the past couple months we've both been going through different levels of depression, me because of all that has happened here and she because her closest friend (me) has moved across the country. Her family has a history of depression and now her brother is close to having a breakdown.
I was at his wedding, they just got married and seemed happy. Now he's calling J because he's having a hard time. Being the sensitive person she is, J took it hard. She's very heavily prone to depression so we had a long talk yesterday.
Odd, because just the night before I wrote a blog on how slow and draining life is, how you need something to fill the days and you just spend most of it struggling. I ended up deleting what I wrote but it applies to this situation.
As life goes on, no matter what you do, you find yourself with less and less friends. People move away, get married off, have kids and you're expected to do the same. If you don't then you find yourself with a lot of time on your hands.
Sometimes when you do you find yourself in the same situation. Divorces happen, kids lose touch and you find yourself ostracized from the people closest in your life. You're alone with nothing to show for it.
I tried to relate this to J. You need to find something to put your time into, something that holds your interest and make it your passion. Some people put it into drugs, alcohol, sex. Others volunteer and pursue interests they've been putting off for years. Me, I write. and sleep. I don't know many people here and I'm alone most of the day. I'm used to it, having been alone most of my life but it wears you down. It would be nice to have someone there, someone to turn to and love but not all of us have that. Not even the beautiful people like myself. I have a lot of friends but they are all spread out around the country.
This is what I told J. It didn't help. In fact, it made it worse. She's lonely and depressed and I worry about her a lot. I do what I can but sometimes that's not enough.

Someone once told me if you have one close friend when you're on your deathbed you'll die a lucky man.