Coming home today I felt the same way I always felt coming home in Boston. I was angry, tired and sick of everything, everyone and all the stupid shit I see them doing. I felt this all the time and thankfully have been without it since my move. It had been a longer, more stressful day than usual and I just wanted to get home. I guess the happiness and thrill of being in a new place has worn off and I'm reverting to what I was like in a place I am accustomed to. That's both a good and bad thing. One of my major improvements was that I'm not as angry and fed up as I once was so I'm going to work on it.

Earlier this week when I was talking to J, I told her how much I had improved since I got here. I didn't phrase it that way but rather how a lot of good has come with the bad. I told her how I felt more focused, smarter and not as distracted and scatterbrained as I once was. I told her I am more intense about everything and right when I said it I realized how apt it was. I've become much more intense, not in the teeth gritting/knuckle clenching way, but I've become much more thoughtful and determined. Things affect me more and I'm not as impulsive as I once was. I'm happier but that could be attributed to the newness of everything. I'm more pensive, which makes me depressed and sad. I go through extremes quickly, often within hours of each other. If you haven't learned that from reading this site then you haven't been paying attention.

There is a woman at work that plays on a roller derby team. We're pretty friendly, having spent a lunch talking about the pros and cons of Memphis (she loves it; for me love/hate) and she's probably the friendliest person there, especially to me. Turns out she's not only on the team but she helped found the league.
Strange this was because I have always had an unhealthy interest in roller derby girls, going so far as to post an ad on Craig's List looking for one (got some responses- none from roller derby girls and none worthwhile). She spent a lot of time talking about the women she plays with and how men are so afraid to go up and talk to them and how shy they are. When they go out they complain about how no guys will say anything to them and just sit together there lonely.



Where is this magical place where beautiful, tough and mean but sweet inside roller derby girls sit around and pine for some single man to talk to them, I ask?
One of their hangouts is the favorite bar of none other than KT, where I'm not allowed to go. Apparently they have some ins there though she admitted the middle aged punkers that live there are kind of sad. Strange how those people that moan about being so ostracized are the most inclusive ones. Strange that some people still hang onto cliques into middle age. Strange...

She mentioned the whole "looking for a single man" thing a couple of times, even asking me if I am. Hopefully they'll be some meetings with some badass rollerbabes in the future. Keep you posted...

Band of the day is MC5, brothers.



Killed by Death by Motorhead is playing. It's five till midnight. Chicago, Illinois...