I've really let things go by the wayside. The days have gotten shorter and colder and, as is my habit, I've become less active. I've begun hibernating. I go to work, come home, have dinner, play video games and that's usually it. My exercising has slowed, my diet has become cheaper and I get lazier. My writing has almost stopped and though I did all my laundry last night my room is too cluttered. I'm working on saving my files on this computer for the big wipe. I recovered them when I got the computer back but since he didn't fix the problems I'm going to do it myself, delete everything and start over. My tv still doesn't get channels either but I don't care about that.
Though I've gotten sharper I've been thinking too much. In fact I think constantly, which can be a problem if you're as analytical as I am. Most of the time I consider my problems and what I can do to make them better. If I don't I just feel like shit.
Granted, I've gotten a lot done- more than I could have hoped- but there's a lot more way to do.

I haven't had health insurance for years. I haven't needed it but it would be nice to go the dentist.

Sometimes I think my financial situation is pretty pathetic. I've never really been wanting for money, but I've never saved enough either. I think most people my age feel the same way but I'm not sure. I'm not struggling but I'm not particularly happy with everything either. At least I'm making more now than I have for years. I worry about retirement. I wonder if I've put away enough and then wonder why should I care since I won't make it to retirement anyway.

I don't have many friends but I'm happier than I have been and find it easier to talk to and approach people.

I feel like I've aged so much this past year. My emotional state has definitely aged. I've cut my hair so short you can see I've lost some in front and now I worry I may be losing some on top. I can't tell. I really only care when I look in the mirror. I like the feel of short hair but it's freaky seeing me looking so old. I'm growing a beard out so I look even older.

Of course I'm much harder on myself than I am on anyone else.

I don't think most people have anything too exceptional to shoot for in their lives. Most just want to start a family or make money or be happy. Some want to be doctors or aspire to something but not all. Those that do gain satisfaction from working to get to where they want even if they never attain it. That's why college is so great. You know that's where you should be. The future isn't set yet and you don't know if you will or won't make it. You expect you will, you know you will, so everything is perfect. For that set of years you're right where you should be, doing what's expected of you.
On your own you struggle to get where you want to be, not really certain if you'll ever make it. Few of us do. I still don't and worry about it constantly. I worry I won't ever do what I want to do and enjoy working to get there but I think that worry is too much for some people and we end up settling. We look for happiness and security. Most find a good, stable job and comfort in marriage or a family, telling ourselves being a good father and husband is goal enough.
I once thought that way and tried it but it didn't work. It hardly lasted more than a few months but the happiness I felt in those months was wonderful. It was one of the happiest times of my life. I know it's not what I was meant to do and I've got to keep struggling. I'm sure I'll struggle for the rest of my life in one way or another.

Also, some of the work I've done on a textbook will be published so my work will be published. Pretty cool, eh? I'm going to say it's the first of many.

Music I'm listening to: X Under the Big Black Sun and Chaimillionaire Ridin' Dirty.