I had planned to make a really cool Halloween post like "13 Things to Really Be Scared About" then list all these true facts and what's predicted for the future but yesterday morning I was feeling kind of down so I decided to write an entry (on little yellow notes at work) on how I got that way. I wrote why I'm always so morbid and depressed and I know there are certain events that got me this way.
It was a pretty long post and detailed those events pretty well but after it was done I felt even worse. So much so that I didn't want to do anything. As soon as I got home I had a shitty dinner, went to bed and didn't feel like going out though I should have. I called C though she was at work and wrote some of a short story that probably added to my mood.
It wasn't such a bad night, though very lazy. About 230 am C returned my call and we got to talking. Our relationship has changed. I don't see her very often but I think she sees me differently than her other friends. I've made a decision to treat her very well, as I try to treat anyone I care about, and it's shown through in our time together. We talked for about half an hour and I felt much better. Almost every time I see her I can't get over how mature and intelligent she is for her age. I used to worry that she wouldn't do well because of what she's doing in life and she wouldn't be happy but she knows more than me in that area. I'm sure she plans it more than I know.
I put too much thought into this blog. I think about writing in it, writing some great entry or something really funny when I'm at work. Sometimes I write it down, sometimes I don't. I know it's taking time away from my book, though that is coming along.
I just hate going through another Halloween with no one around. I think I always knew I'd spend my life this way and I can't complain. As a kid, seeing how my parents were married I decided to take relationships very carefully and not get involved just for the sake of not being alone. That I'm sure I've done.
I think I like my hair this way. It's gotten no bad comments and even a couple semi good ones. I like not taking care of it and I love being able to feel my whole head. I wish I had a digital camera.