I've been looking over my life a lot lately. I wonder what genre it would be listed as if it were to be made into a movie, tragedy, comedy, triumph of the human spirit? It's been filled with parts of each and I really feel like I've been through a lot and overcome a lot. When I was younger I'd spend days in the woods behind my home playing out elaborate stories in my head. I was more active than other children; clusters of trees were caves, broken sticks were swords and I'd imagine myself far away from home rather than the few blocks away that I was.

As I got older my visions changed. I wanted to be a biker, a hitchhiker, writer, sometimes a felon. I always imagined these things in the future. I never considered college, I thought school was something I was forced to go through until I got on my own. I never knew where I'd go but I figured when I got older I'd do all these things, I'd travel and have great experiences that most people never imagine. Deep down I always thought I'd end up like my dad; married young with a stable job, home, kids, the whole package. Things didn't work out that way and I'm thankful. My life has been near extraordinary when looked at from a certain angle. It hasn't been easy and some days I think it's more than I can bear but I'm thankful for it.

All that I hoped to happen in the future is happening now. I lost everything I owned and I lost the woman I was in love with. Everything I wanted ended and everything I had was lost and I knew I had to start again with only what my abilities can bring me. I've had more second chances than a person should be entitled to but this is the freshest, boldest start I could have ever had. I didn't want it this way but subconsciously I needed it. I would never have chosen this if I could have seen what happened.

All my old friends are scattered around the country. My family is far away and those I spend time with now I've only known for scant weeks. I see things in myself that weren't there before and I see how different everything is. I feel like I've been reborn, which isn't always good. I feel like all the good luck I've had throughout my life disappeared at a crucial time and I was left with only what I could make. All my memories, photos and sentiments were destroyed and I could only watch them burn.

I know who I was back then and I didn't like it. I know who I am now and I see things I need to change. I've put it off for far too long but I couldn't be the person who I was, that would be a life I didn't want. I was hateful, greedy and lazy. Much of that is gone and I'm working to be better. I catch old feelings rising up now and then, anger for no reason, laziness and indifference and it doesn't feel right anymore. It feels like who I was, that man who had so much but didn't care. Now I have little and don't want much else. My goal is to live simply and happily. That is all I want from now on.

Intelligence, strength, compassion and determination are all I want for myself. Things, money and objects I don't care about anymore. All that can be taken from you in an instant. Work on myself because that is all I will ever have.