A while ago C got me a book which I put off reading until today. It's one of those books that promises to show you ways to improve your health through mental stimulation and self discipline. I read a lot of those when I was really involved in martial arts (one of which promised to make my skin impervious to harm and strong as steel. Needless, to say it didn't work.) but this one involves men and sex.

To clear things up a bit, I've been looking at sex a lot differently since I've come here. After all I've been through I realize I devoted too much energy on it or meeting women, pursuing them, etc and I need to concentrate on other things. Now I feel like I've wasted too much time and energy and I really need to refocus what I'm looking for and direct my energies into other things. Because of this I have lost a good deal of interest in sex and have become overly cautious about relationships. In all the ones I've been in, especially when seeing KT, I put so much time and effort into it that I had little left to do anything else.

Now I feel like I'm cheating C (I'm sure she does too) with my minimal interest in sex so, intuitive person that she is, she picked up that book for me. It doesn't deal with a lot of the emotional shit I'm dealing with (and getting over slowly) but more of the physical limits, which are much farther than we believe.

When a man orgasms his entire body is focused on expelling his seed because the possibility of a new life is what his entire body is designed for. All the energy he has within him is borrowed for a few moments of intense feeling and ejaculation, nevermind the amounts of fuel needed to produce such amounts of sperm.

**The average male ejaculation produces 50- 250 million sperm each time. In effect, one ejaculation could repopulate the entire United States.**

To create this much sperm the body needs materials, as well as energy. All the raw materials come from the man and are stored within him. Once used up and ejaculated, is it any wonder he feels such an overpowering wave of fatigue?

In Alfred Kinsey's study Sexual Behavior in the Human Male, it is reported that the average male ejaculates five thousand times in his lifetime which means he ejaculates, at a minimum, five trillion sperm before he dies. Each of those sperm cost material and energy to create and, no matter how infintesimal the amount, five trillion adds up to be a significant lost of body matter and energy.

For centuries Eastern thought has believed each ejaculation draws strength and life blood from the man. Therefore the more sex a man has during his lifetime the shorter his lifetime is expected to be. Once a flower has spread its seeds it slowly withers and dies. Once a man has spilled his seed his purpose is finalized and energy used to improve his life is depleted for the possibility of a child. Men's lifespans are notoriously shorter than womens'. This is one of the reasons why.

I've been seriously considering celibacy lately in light of recent events and with these facts it doesn't seem like such a bad idea.